All of my children have blessed my life in infinite ways. Through them I have developed and grown, found true meaning to life and how to live it each day. They have taught me and inspired me. Today I focus on the changes in my life that my sweetest Emma has made possible.
FEAR - something we all have and probably will encounter most of our lives. I believe mastering this one untruth destroys the foundation for all untruth's. 
- My sister in law and I - 39 weeks
December 4, 2012 - My parents, sister Elisa and 4 of her boys had been visiting for a week now. My sister -in-law had her baby a couple days ago and my due date was tomorrow! My pregnancy had been great, but as of today I was emotionally and mentally done being pregnant - not to mention moving around wasn't that easy anymore either!
As I went to bed, I prayed this baby would come. I was so ready to meet this person and know them. I did not know if they were a boy or a girl - and I was dying to find out! As I lay there praying, my husband rolled over to me and told me he needed to talk to the baby. So I listened as he spoke to my belly - You can be whoever you are. I give you permission to be yourself and not who I think you should be. - There were other things but I can't remember them word for word. But the message was clear.
At 3:30 am I woke up to feeling wet. I lay there thinking, is this what I think it is? All my other labors had to have the water broken for me at the hospital, so I had no idea what to expect. And then I felt a gush - it is! I woke Stephen who at first laid there as bewildered as I was. Then he jumped out of bed and started getting ready to go, and waking everyone up. My sweet mother squealed with excitement :)
We had planned to labor as long as we could at home, and if my water broke, that was a sign to go to the hospital. I called the mid-wives, and my sweet Doula, Breanne Ackerman, letting them know what was happening, . We met Breanne at the hospital where they took us upstairs to our room. It was a large, comfy room, with a big couch and table with chairs in it, with room to spare! Stephen called his mother and she met us there shortly after. she works at the hospital, so she just came into work a bit early :)
Stephen and I prepared as we had outlined in our Birth Plan. We set apart the room for what was about to take place, inviting God, Christ and Heavenly Mother to be present with us. Breanne used essential oil mister sprays to clear the energy of the room and to support creating it to be a sacred cherished space. We turned on the diffuser with a blend in it called Hope -perfect for the mood we were setting.
We then waited. We ate breakfast, visited and waited. I had contractions, but they weren't what I had imagined they would be like. We had an awesome nurse, Dana, that got us settled in and had a fun conversation about the flu vaccine, why not to get it and what she was pursuing with the hospital so she wouldn't be required to receive it. We walked up and down the hall, sat on the birthing ball and did squats... and waited.
Lunchtime came, and I was HUNGERY! I ordered a big lunch - meatloaf :)
Stephen's mom went down to her office to work, and we told her we would keep her updated so she could come back when things got closer. It was so neat to have both our mother's there with us.
There is a concern with water breaking, that if the labor doesn't progress at a good rate, the risk of infection greatly increases. The mid-wife on call came and saw us around 1:00 pm. She had concern over how inconsistent my contractions were and my water being broke. Our new nurse, Alex, checked me to see where I was at in labor. I wasn't anymore dilated than I was at my appointment on Monday - at a 2 and 75% effaced.
We discussed the risks and what I could do to stimulate the labor. We agreed that if I hadn't progressed any by 2:30, that we would start an iv of Petocin. This was a little hard for me at first, because I wanted a completely natural birth, but I also understood the concern of safety and was grateful to receive the help.
We did everything we could to get things moving, including nipple stimulation , which isn't as fun as it may sound :) 2:30 came and there was no progress. So we began the Petocin at a very low level. I was getting tired at this point, simply because I had been up for 12 hours, so I lay down to rest. Breanne got out my body oil with a
Lavender and Frankincense essential oil blend in it and massaged my feet. It felt SO amazing! And she did it for so long, I was SO grateful.
Things started to progress, and I remember thinking, "Is this really how it is?" I began using the techniques I had been learning and studying and repeating the affirmations I had created for when I was in a contraction. Stephen was a great support to me. Putting pressure on my back, standing and swaying with me, whispering words of love and comfort...... Breanne also kept speaking words of affirmation, keeping Christ my center of thought, helping me to stay relaxed.
We also used oils from the
Whole Body collection from Alexandria Brighton, to address pain and discomfort. I used these oils throughout my pregnancy and was so grateful for how well they worked!
Because I had the Petocin, it was required that I kept the monitor on my belly to watch the baby's heart rate. I wasn't so keen to this, because it was super uncomfortable and hurt during a contraction,but I had enough room to move as I needed so I kept myself in a place of allowance.
Things continued on.... I really wasn't realizing how much so because of the state of meditation I was keeping myself in. I primarily stayed kneeling by the bedside laying my head on the bed, kind of like you would leaning on the birthing ball. That and standing next to Stephen and having him hold me up while going limp, were the two positions that were the most comfortable and relieved me the most.
Then the classic sign of being close to delivery presented itself - I kept having strong urges to go to the bathroom. This increased the challenge of keeping my mind in the space I had intended because I kept going into the bathroom and sitting on the toilet, then coming back out. The urges became more intense and my sister reminded me that it meant things were about to happen. I assured her I remembered, but that I seriously had to go to the bathroom...he he :)
Stephen came with me, and Dana was back on shift - she reminded me she didn't want to deliver a baby over the toilet. I remember sitting there, and the contractions were so intense, I was beginning to give up. He convinced me that it was time, and we needed to go back to the bed. Feelings of hopelessness began to creep into my mind and the short walk from the bathroom to the bed, it turned into feelings of despair and crying to Stephen that I couldn't do it, I wasn't strong enough ..... and I couldn't do it. When I said those things everything began to disappear around me, I only remember everyone jumping up and lifting me onto the bed. I felt so faithless and cried out to God to release me.
Dana checked me, the first time since Alex had done it before the Petocin. She said I was at a 9 - andmy urge to push was so strong, I started to push on my own, Dana told me to hang on because the mid-wife needed to be there, but I did what my body told me to do. When she saw the baby coming, she jumped on board.
Stephen and Breanne each held my hands and Elisa read to me my affirmations. There was the head...... 1 push...... the head was out...... 2 push and I had delivered my baby. I laid there with my eyes closed, in amazement and gratitude for such an awe inspiring experience. Stephen was speechless and Dana had to beckon him to announce the baby's gender..."IT'S A......!" "A girl! we have a baby girl" I still lay there, in amazement at everything that happened. Everything was outside of my world. They put her on my chest and she was so amazing. My baby Emma. The cord had already stopped pulsing, so Stephen cut it, and I just held her. I had never felt so connected to God or myself than any other moment.
What I came away with from this?
I'll tell you -
- Natural Birth is the most amazing experience ever - Especially making Christ the focus
- Major shifts in my energy and who I am. I cleared so much fear, and gained so much power, that I am doing things in my life I never thought I would, and having faith I never thought I could possess
- I am excited to do it again
- I am strong
- The body is amazing - especially when we let it do things it's way
- Anything really is possible.... If you BELIEVE
